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The final ultimatum


Anna took a few days to think about her reply to her “husband”, but when she did, it said everything she had been feeling the past several weeks, and gave him an ultimatum. Her reply was,

“Zach,

Salaams & Hope you are well.

I’ve got a couple of things to get off my chest – as I am tired of you giving me breadcrumbs while I am actually worth a full loaf of bread.

I haven’t really demanded anything from you in the past couple of months – neither have I proceeded with any sort of maintenance application as I felt that I didnt have to go down that route at any point because we indeed have shared alot in the past. This is regardless from what my parents wanted – they wanted me to take you to court for maintenance for me, maintenance for the baby, those bills u made me make as well as for failure to return my ID book.

In order for me to even consider a private conversation from you I do need a guarantee.

You have blatantly refused to pay me any maintenance whatsoever – be it for Talaaq or for being your spouse – either way you have a responsibility over my well being – that is what adults do.
Me, being the idiot, i allowed you to blow up my cards – both my woolworths store card for groceries and my credit card for various purchases such as nappies, dischem vaccination payments & toiletries when you said you had no money & needed me to help me with household expenses as I also had a job. Being a fool and being so in love with you, i hung onto every word u said – and i accepted yr reasoning – only to have your words destroy my life.
And that is not even beginning to mention where you have failed B F in every aspect of her life for the past 4 months.

Let me not even mention the emotional & physical stress that this whole situation has caused – onto which a value cannot be placed.

Given the above mentioned conditions
This is what I have come up with.
In light of me being your spouse til today (which i gladly accept as you are the father of my child) – I am DEMANDING R 1000 maintenance (R250 a week) for every month that I have been without you. You left on June 27th, 2009. That is exactly 16 weeks which equals R 4 000.
With regards to the accounts which totalled R 11 000 – I am going on a 70/30 ratio as you earn more than 2x of what I earn. I have already paid R 4 000, the rest of the R 7 000 is totally for your account.
Maintenance for B F equals to R 3000 a month or R 750 a week. For 16 weeks you are looking at a figure of R 12 000 – I am going to deduct R 3000 from this figure for the stuff that you bought as well as for the pending deposit. So in effect, it’s R 9 000 of outstanding maintenance.

I am now going to look at your loopholes before you even start arguing with me.
1. Maintenance on me —-> I havent felt welcome in your home, hence the separation. In any reconciliation, there has to be a form of generosity from the husband to the wife in order for the wife to consider returning to her home as well it is FARDH onto him to make provision out of love & his abilities. Check in every law book, every shariah kitaab. The less u give the less i was willing to return – so in order for me to even consider any private conversations or reconciliation, I want what is due to me. This isnt even asking you for all the dr’s bills that i have encountered thanks to the amount of times that i’ve been sick thanks to this whole situation – that i had to borrow money to pay for.
2. The accounts —> Have been explained properly above.
3. Maintenance for BF —> you had no reason not to pay it, some ppl’s circumstances are ten times worse yet they will make sure that their kids have the best of everything – even if they dont see them. My child isnt an object whereby you will only pay if you are given access to her. That money for her upbringing came from somewhere – NOT from her parents and it must be returned to the people who paid it accordingly.

Regarding the private conversation that you seek with our so called “private” affairs – here’s a newsflash for you. You had the audacity to record our PRIVATE arguments and put it all on show for your whole entire family to listen. Nothing between us remained private from that point. Therefore, in order to be some form of reconciliation, I WILL NOT GO ANYWHERE TO DISCUSS ANY PRIVATE MATTERS BETWEEN US.
This will be done in the presence of my mahram where i feel safest, where i will no be subjected to further humiliation & where i will not be manipulated and brainwashed into believing what you say is right.

So here are the guarantees that I need from you before any discussions take place:
Half the maintenance owed to me – as a down payment towards reconciliation – either as an EFT or cash – given to me. If you eft i want a proof of payment emailed to me. R 2 000
Half the amount owed to the accounts paid – here you have 3 choices. a.I give u the details you pay them directly via eft & u you give me the proof of payments. b. send the eft to the my bank account where i will pay the accounts & email me the proof of payment. c. give me the money in cash. The amount here is R 3 500 – Then you will pay the instalments of a total of R 600 every month til the bills are fully paid up yeah?
BF’s maintenance payments that you havent provided for – Here is a payment plan yeah. R 9 000 divided by 6 months gives u R 1 500 we are actually being generous to you here, considering that you have said that u will provide for her from now onwards. You can eft that to me or pay it cash when you come n see her.
You will pick the phone up ASAP & call my parents. they are the most affected by this whole story thanks to you. You stopped talking to them, stopped making salaam to them, you lived in their yard and used & abused their property, you humiliated their daughter on countless occasions in front of them, they were humiliated thanks to you when your mother swore my father – You will call my father on 08xxxxxx and explain to him all your intentions for both me and BF, as well as apologise for all your actions – the worse of it would be the cops incident. Here you are totally to blame as no one brought the cops to u & humiliated you at odd hours of the night – so whatever my father & brother said to you that night, they were in reason.
You will also explain all your lies & stupid actions to both me & my parents in person. They want what is best for me – and if you cant be the best in their presence, it means that all you have planned for the future is – me working my ass off & giving you all my money, as well as me making more children and having absolutely no say, as well as you giving me a life filled with misery, torture and absolutely nothing that is deemed a necessity in MY eyes.
An explanation regarding my ID book & the fines.
Like you love & live for yr parents – as well as worship every word that they say – I love & respect mine.
If you love me as you say you do – all the above is a drop of water in the ocean of reconciliation.
From then onwards I will feel free to talk to you. And look for a way forward.

I didnt fall out from the sky – and if it wasnt for my parents, right now I would be out on the streets – I am alive n well thanks to them, therefore i will not allow you to waltz back into my life, take me away from them and i KNOW you will force me to do things the way yr parents want – and in effect you will force me to cut all ties with my parents and become subjected to being the maid of you & your parents as long as I am alive. That will not happen.

If your love for us really has no limits, you will prove it to us.i am really not asking for alot. There are situations worse than ours.Our situation is aggravated by yr immaturity to accept responsibility for your family as well as witholding maintenance in the hope that we will come back running to you to take us back – Shukar to Allah we have not yet reached that point – we are not beggars. I am refusing to accept breadcrumbs when I am worth a
whole loaf of bread.

If we are worth all your love & respect – this is the least that you can do for me & B F. I have already told you that if its a no I will walk away completely & this time I am going to hand my situation to a court of law. So if you want to be miserly with your money, and in effect show me that money has a bigger value than a wife and child – I will gladly accept that. I am not asking for alot of money. You can go take a loan if needs be – its only R 7 000 – what is R 7 000 compared to an entire marriage? Think about it. R 7000 and a phone call or a complete divorce. Your choice here. Show me what is more important to you. I am actually giving you the upperhand and telling you what i want from you. This is really generous from me – another woman would cut u out completely from her life.

It’s not alot and 5 months is alot of patience from me. So this is in effect your last chance.And failing which, I will then apply to the maintenance court for all the above amounts – and yes I have a new lawyer and you will hear from her in due time. Also, from then onwards you will then see BF on MY terms which is 2 hours supervised visits once in two weeks – as allowed by the law.

Another thing, i KNOW for a fact that everything you do & say to me, is under your mother’s supervision – so if thats the case, I am really not interested.

I’ll give you til friday to reply – failing which you will then hear from my lawyer. And no, dont think that my parents have brainwashed me. I have in effect come to my senses regarding you and this whole situation – I have been extremely generous & forgiving. Someone else in my shoes would have walked away the minute she heard of the recordings.

Salaams – ill be waiting
Have a great day”

Fortunately for Anna, Zach decided to walk away…

February 19, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment