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Her devotion to her daughter


Anna began to love this little girl dearly. At first, she was afraid that she was going to let her go, just like she had let Xena go. But she realised that the Almighty would never give her more than she could handle. She handled the death of her little girl well, but she wouldn’t ever handle if something happened to little ButterFly.

Life needed alot of adjustment around the new baby – getting into a routine, learning about this new little person’s personality, her likes and dislikes. ButterFly was a happy little girl. Like Xena, she never cried or complained. She went with the flow and enjoyed being around people. Especially her grandparents. Her eyes lighted up specially around Derek and he made ButterFly his world.

ButterFly also relished all of Zach’s attention, even though he spent very few hours around her, due to the long hours that he worked in order to be able to sustain his family. She was a calm, quiet little girl with a bubbly personality. ButterFly loved her mother. Everytime she was fed or in her mother’s arms, she stared at Anna, with the exact same expression that Xena had, filled with awe and love.

When ButterFly was 10 weeks old, Anna had a job offer and took it. It meant working long hours but it also meant enjoying a bit more financial freedom and being able to buy things that she only wistfully desired, especially for little ButterFly. Anna was heartbroken to leave her little baby alone, but was relieved that Haddie had taken full responsibility in looking after ButterFly.

Everything was going well, Anna loved her job, ButterFly was growing up nicely and Zach & Anna were trying to iron out their issues. It was not easy as Anna loved honesty, conversation & communication but Zach hid from Anna behind a brick wall. For their daughter, Anna tried as hard as she could to overcome the hurdles in the situation. She occasionally taught of Guy, but had no contact and had accepted that it was for the best there.

Three months after Anna began working, she felt really ill. Fever, coughs and bad chills, all this in the middle of winter. It was broncho-pneumonia and unfortunately, Anna had to leave her job with immediate effect as well as wean little ButterFly off the breastmilk as well, in order for the baby not to get ill. Anna gladly left her job and in this time, Zach secured a position in a better paying job and things seemed to look up for everyone. Zach worked different hours, but because Anna was home, it didn’t make much of a difference. Also, he was there on weekends which is what everyone wanted – to spend time as a family.

Anna spent alot of time with Haddie and Derek, and because Zach worked on public holidays as well, she went with them on their outings so as not to become insane within the four walls of their home. One outing in particular stood out. It was a public holiday, Zach was working so Anna and ButterFly went with Haddie & Derek to a neighbouring town to a mall that opened up when Anna was living in the UK. She was strolling casually in the mall and who does she see.. None other than Guy! It couldn’t be. But it was. Looking as handsome as she had remembered him. Anna was speechless, she couldnt bring herself to go upto him and talk to him. It was not fair. She had chosen her path and she was walking on it. She could not deviate her path for one minute of madness. All the feelings that she had for Guy, locked away in the deepest crevice of her heart immediately popped out and she realised that she still loved him. She just needed to look at him to realise that she was not over him, he was still the love of her life. Nothing in her heart had changed even though years had passed and that life had changed her as a person. She let it go and walked away, hoping that when she got home, Zach would not read the pain of her heart in her eyes.

Anna had to let Guy go. She had no choice. She couldn’t even send him a text to tell him that she had seen him. It wasn’t fair on him, and it wasn’t fair on Zach & ButterFly. She wanted everything to remain in that way – regardless that she was unhappy. All she wanted was Guy back in her life. Somehow she felt that they belonged together, but that feeling was wrong on so many levels.She accepted the situation and let him go. She once again closed Guy’s box of memories inside her heart and threw away the key, never to find it again. Or so she hoped..

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February 2, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments